7/18/2017 3 Comments SpoilersI haven’t done a blog update during my two week wait because I was afraid I’d give myself away too early. On Monday night, I was 4 days past my transfer and suddenly I did not feel very well. I got a little excited. I had been having some intermittent cramping and was trying not to read too much into it. But on Tuesday (5 days past transfer) I was SICK. I had a headache and I felt like garbage. I was so tired. I was SO excited. I even disclosed to my therapist that I felt sick, but what if it was all in my head?! He laughed a little… He said I looked so much better than he had seen me ever and that I was glowing. GLOWING?! Why would he choose that word? Now I was excited. I decided I could not take it anymore and I was going to test the next morning. I woke up at 4am. Did I mention I had also been having weird dreams and peeing ALL THE TIME? I decided I better pee on a stick then because it was my first morning urine (FMU) and I shouldn’t waste it. So I opened up a stick and peed on it. I sat there waiting. Nothing. Nothing. Not even a control line! WHAT?! How is it the one test I use is broken?!?! I waited forever. Peed on it some more. Nothing. I thought, “Okay universe. I hear you. I shouldn’t test this early.” I threw it in the trash and went back to bed. I kept tossing and turning. I know I’m pregnant. I went back in the bathroom dug the stick out of the trash and nothing. UGH. BROKEN STICK. So then I went back to bed. Tossed and turned. Tossed and turned. Finally, I convinced myself I could still pee and went back for round two. There on top of the trashcan was a pretty, positive two lined pee stick. I about fell over. I know you aren’t supposed to read them after a certain amount of time, but I have never had two lines on days old pee sticks. So, I decided I better do another one anyway – just to be safe. Immediately two lines popped up! I could not believe it. I took pictures and sent them to Matt right away. I couldn’t believe it. But I could because I FELT pregnant. But then I had to wait for my blood test. I had to go in that morning for a progesterone and estrogen check. I emailed my nurse and told her I had a positive HPT (home pregnancy test) and asked if I could move my first Beta (HCG blood work aka pregnancy test) to Friday. She said YES!
Friday I went in for my first beta. Naturally, the machine that reads the blood work was messed up so I had to wait ALL day for my first result. From what I hear, normal pregnant people go in and have ONE blood test that says yes or no and they get the results right away. But, for infertile people we have to wait, wait, wait. Because they are doing the testing so early they do a quantitative beta instead of a qualitative beta. So we get to see how much HCG is in our blood. I went in to have my blood drawn. Everyone has been so rude to me in my local clinic since I switched to Syracuse. The nurse who is the worst at drawing my blood ALWAYS knows to go in my left arm because I have nothing in my right arm. But she strapped me up on the right side. Instantly I said, can you do my left arm? There’s nothing in there. She basically she already strapped my arm up and she could find something. SHE IS THE WORST at finding the good veins. So she sticks me. Pokes me, gouges me. Nothing. She left the needle hanging out of my arm and went for another nurse. The other nurse comes in and gouges me some more and finally hit the vein. When she plugged the tube in…..NOTHING. UGH. She switched to my left arm and hit a good vein on the first try. That was super annoying. I told her I had a positive home pregnancy test and she said, “Well you said they were trying different stuff with you. It must have worked.” REALLY?! No congratulations or nothing?! I also mentioned I had been spotting that morning and the nurse said, “Well we will say an extra prayer for you.” She didn’t ask what it looked like or nothing. Then I described what it looked like and she said, “Oh well, that’s probably just from the Endometrin.” Are you kidding me?!? I could not believe how rude they were…. So I waited impatiently for my results… My first beta was an 88!!!! It really doesn’t matter what the first number is, it just matters if that number doubles. But I was happy with that! I was expecting closer to 50 given I was only 8 days past transfer. They expect it to double every 48-72 hours. Saturday felt like it took a million years. I decided I would go to the store on Sunday to kill some time. I wasn’t feeling particularly pregnant (the sickness has subsided). For the first few days, I could only eat string cheese and strawberries. It was literally the only thing I wanted to eat. So, I’ve been referring to baby as “my little strawberry.” And yes, I’ve already been talking to the little strawberry. On the way to the store, I decided it was an Elton John kind of day and put on some Elton. Now I won’t lie. There’s a fairly lengthy list of Elton John songs that make me cry. But, I have never cried to “Your Song.” Until Sunday anyway… I outright sobbed! I couldn’t control it. Then I started laughing hysterically because I realized how ridiculous I must’ve looked! I’m sure I was quite the scene. So I now feel like little strawberry and I already have a song. During this whole ordeal, I’ve never felt terribly optimistic. But now, I’m suddenly filled with hope and optimism which is very scary considering at any point this could all be over. I’ve had people say I shouldn’t share my pregnancy so early with the implication that it could end at any moment. I am aware of that fact. But, I’ve been trying for 2 and a half years to be pregnant and I want to fully embrace it. I want to enjoy being pregnant for as long as I am pregnant. Because even if my pregnancy had ended the second day, I am so grateful to be pregnant. Even if it doesn’t last. I have been happier these last few days than I have been in so long. I have loved this baby since before he or she was ever conceived and the moment I saw those two pink lines, I couldn’t have loved my baby more. No matter what point you lose a pregnancy you experience a great loss. It makes me so angry that women aren’t “supposed” to share this loss with anyone. After I got back from the store, I put our little embryo picture in a picture frame with the Albert Einstein quote that says, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I’ve had this picture frame forever and always imagined I would put our first ultrasound picture in it. Then I got out all my needles and medicines and made a heart with it. It was so overwhelming to see how many shots I’ve taken. And, it doesn’t even count the next 60 to 100 progesterone shots I will be taking. So yesterday, I had beta number 2. I asked this time how long I would have to wait for the results and she said it would likely be in the afternoon. Luckily, around 10:00 they called. It was a 323!!!!! I could not believe it!!! I was expecting to have to go back Wednesday for another, but my numbers went up so much they said I didn’t have to. Everything else looks good too. Now I’m going back Monday for more blood work and my very first ultrasound!!! I am SO nervous. And I thought the two week wait was bad… “I hope you don’t mind. I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is while you’re in the world.” – Elton John, Your Song
3 Comments
Le'Tina
7/18/2017 07:39:14 am
I've composed a very well thought out response to this blog post: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ( I was forced to delete some of my exclamations points by the page)
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Robin
7/18/2017 11:22:54 am
Im so happy for yall💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
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Melissa Mullins
7/18/2017 03:43:55 pm
Praising God for answered prayers❤️!
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Heather Joyce
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