2/1/2017 2 Comments Starting IVFLots of exciting things are happening! I FINALLY got my period on Saturday afternoon. Sunday morning we went in to do baseline stuff. I had my 57,000th ultrasound and another vial of blood taken. The doctors couldn’t find my ovaries at the ultrasound. They could only see my bowels. It’s really crazy being able to see all that stuff. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to see my antral follicle count (these things become eggs later). I really wanted to know what we may expect in terms of number of eggs. But perhaps, its better I don’t know just yet in case it is discouraging. The nurse taught us how to mix all the meds again and Matt got to practice giving me our first IVF shot. We had to wait for hours to get our estradiol blood results. Once those came in, it was good news so we got to continue with our shots.
On Sunday I just did Lupron in the morning and evening. Since then we’ve been doing Lupron in the morning and evening and Gonal-f and low dose HCG in the evening. Luckily, we can mix the Gonal-f and low dose HCG in the same syringe so I only have to take two shots at night instead of three. Matt can’t be home in time to give me some of the shots some nights. So, on Monday I practiced giving myself a shot to make sure I could do it when he wasn’t there. I was nervous, but it really wasn’t that bad. It was kind of surreal in some weird way. But it really wasn’t so bad. I’ve had times in my life where I’ve stopped and thought, “Is this really my life?” Generally they were happy moments. I can remember working at my favorite summer camp. I was so happy to be working there. Some days I would think to myself, covered in sweat and hadn’t showered in days, “I am living the dream. This is what I’ve always wanted.” I would stop and gaze across the property. I would swell up with pride thinking how great it was that this was my life. I don’t really have moments quite like that these days. Now when I have these moments, it’s a very different, “Is this really my life, moment.” Now when this happens I’m usually laid up on a bed with my feet in stirrups looking at my inactive ovaries on a black and white screen. Then I put my clothes back on and walk across the hall for bloodwork. I will advise the nurse to which vein seems best and thinking, “Is this really my life?” Or I’ll catch myself saying, “If I have kids one day….” Instead of “when I have kids one day…” These are my new “Is this my life?” moments. For some strange reason I’ve actually been fairly content—almost happy sometimes-- these last few weeks. It’s weird. It almost feels routine to be doing all of these fertility treatments. I’ve been thinking how even if we don’t get pregnant it will be okay. I won’t know how Matt would’ve been the perfect partner for a pregnancy. But at least I get him as the perfect partner for infertility. I may not get to see him as the perfect Dad. But I’ll get to see him as the perfect babysitter when our friends need a night out. I have really been making decent headspace for what will happen if we don’t get pregnant. Although truthfully the thought of that gives me a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I know we really will be okay if this doesn’t work out. We had another appointment today before work. Another ultrasound. Another vial of blood. Still can't see my ovaries. But my estradiol is climbing the way they expect it to so we don't have to add any extra meds at this point. We have another appointment Friday before work. After work tonight I had another acupuncture appointment. I was so tired I completely passed out. I don't even know how long she had been knocking on the door to come back in. It was a nice nap. Then I came home cleaned the kitchen, made dinner, and had my shots. I can't believe how many little needle holes I have on my belly already. Luckily, only one bruise so far. It's only day 4 and our sharps container is at least half way full. But, so far so good. I'm excited to be actually doing something. It feels productive and gives me something to focus on. It's truly unimaginable what kind of waiting this whole process involves. I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio on the way home tonight, so I'll close with a lyric, "Don't you worry, about a thing. Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
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Heather Joyce
Trying to conceive. Archives
April 2018
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