2/22/2017 2 Comments All AboardHello, crazy train driver? Ticket for two please.
Just as I thought I was getting off this emotional roller coaster, it seems I am willingly (perhaps, enthusiastically…) getting right back on. Yesterday, I received an amazing email that our clinic was going to be willing to price match the egg donor costs from CNY. CNY charges less than half the price of our clinic. This was fantastic news! What I didn’t know was that I had missed a call from the doctor while my phone was dead. I didn’t get home until almost 6:30 last night so it was really late when I realized this. The doctor had also emailed me to find a time that I could chat at night. He called me at 8:00pm to give me news I was not expecting. He expressed his frustrations with not doing the ICSI right away (as we had asked.) He felt that if we could get just one, maybe even two more eggs he felt confident we could get pregnant with MY eggs. Of course what I was thinking was “Well we just spent a little over $13,100 on our last IVF cycle/medications AND we didn’t even make it to transfer. There is NO WAY we can justify spending that kind of money again…especially since we convinced them to let us out of the two cycle contract.” I did explain that I would rather use donor eggs as it was a more cost effective (albeit expensive) approach. He agreed that donor eggs is a valid option, but offered to do our next IVF cycle at minimal costs. He said it was about us getting closure, but even he felt he hadn’t had proper closure yet. Instead of using the heavy duty $4,000+ drugs we would just be going back to using either Clomid ($5) or Letrozole ($11). Now those are numbers I can work with. He explained some things had to be charged because it is done through the hospital and they have no control over that. This is exciting news! … I think… Unfortunately, Matt wasn’t home from school yet. My gut response was: YES LET’S DO THIS! Assuming their idea of minimal costs is my idea of minimal costs. But then I started thinking. I had just canceled all of my acupuncture appointments. I had just unpacked my scented hair products and perfumes. I had half a cup of coffee and it was wonderful. I made plans to hang out with people. I looked up prices for Lady Gaga tickets. I was starting to remember what it was like to be a person again. Now I’m going to go back to being the infertile again. My one day of freedom made me remember what it was like to not be infertile, but to be Heather. That was a nice feeling. I can’t even remember the last time I felt like Heather. When Matt got home we decided to go for it, if it was under $5,000. Who knew I would be saying something like, “What’s another $5,000?” If I ever go to Vegas, someone make sure to keep me away from the Craps table. We budgeted $25,000 for two rounds of IVF. So we still “have” $11,900, right? I got the quote today that the TOTAL cost of EVERYTHING (except meds…of course) would be $2,500. Yes. That is only four numbers and only one of them is in front of that comma. I stared at the screen for so long trying to comprehend that number. Last night one of my friends joked that I should use a Magic 8 ball to decide my fate. I don’t have one anymore, but they do have apps for this now. Before I hit the “ask question” button I said to myself, “Should we give it one more try.” I literally held my breath for the split second it took load and the 8 ball said, “Without a doubt.” I almost started crying. If I weren’t convinced I was out of tears, I may have cried. So I’ll unpack my unscented soaps and hair products. I’ll call the acupuncturist to schedule more appointments. I’ll be doing my nightly “please hurry up and show your face, aunt Flow” dance. I will continue to cling to hope like a lifesaver in the middle of the Atlantic. I’ll que up my “you can get through it” playlist on Spotify. I will put my heart back on my sleeve and be very, very vulnerable again. I will wait and wait the endless wait. Our next appointment is Monday. “Suffer. You could say it means endure, but that’s not exactly right.” –Erin Lockhart, We Were Liars
2 Comments
Mary
2/22/2017 05:01:16 pm
I love you, my friend! I'm hoping to hear good news for you soon!
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Heather Joyce
2/22/2017 05:02:15 pm
thank you!
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Heather Joyce
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