4/4/2017 0 Comments Back to the drawing boardYou know how when you’re hungry, but you don’t really like any of the food in your kitchen so you keep checking the cabinets and fridge over and over like there might be something different the next time you look? Or is that just me? Well that’s how I’ve been over the last few days looking at the donor pool. I keep looking at our donor over and over, reading her profile over and over, and scrolling through the other options wondering if we made the right choice... Impatiently waiting on an update… Well today I got an -- earlier than expected – update. Unfortunately, our donor has been disqualified due to bad results on her lab work. They don’t/can’t say what the bad news was other than she was disqualified and can no longer be a donor. So, somewhere out there I assume there’s a young woman getting devastating news that she is going to struggle and/or find it impossible to have her own children and a couple who is almost equally devastated that our perfect donor isn’t perfect after all. My first thought was, “FUCK. REALLY?” My second thought was, “Did I really expect this to go smoothly?” No. Of course things aren’t going to go smoothly. If ever someone could say the universe was sending signs that things aren’t meant to be this whole process seems to be a really loud signal.
Honestly, when I saw the message I was mostly just irritated I hadn’t seen it earlier in the day. This far in the game, I’m not getting too attached to any idea that something will work out positively. I’m glad I didn’t get too excited or attached to her. But, I really don’t like many of the other donors. But it is what it is. So back to the drawing board. Even though we had a list of other donors, I already didn’t like the order we had them listed. One person I really liked is two years older than me. Everything I’ve read online says it is best to go with a donor in their early 20s. So I crossed off my second favorite because I don’t have too many more $10,000+ to gamble on. The next person on our list Matt really liked, but I really can’t bring myself to like her. That sounds terrible, but she just isn’t doing it for me. One of my least favorite of our selection has already cycled. She’s young, has her own kid, and the previous donor recipient got pregnant from her eggs. I feel very drawn towards that. And she’s short, cute, and brunette. I’m just not terribly drawn to her responses to her questionnaire. After looking at the profile of our next choice I just couldn’t bring myself to like her anymore. It’s really weird how picky you can get. Beggars can be choosers, apparently. Then there was our last choice. She’s cute, young, short, and a red-head and she’s cycled before but only for a banked egg cycle so I don’t know what the outcome of her eggs were. So, somehow the bottom two on our list became our top two choices. Our third choice was the one Matt liked, but I wasn’t crazy about. Unfortunately, CNY closes at 4 so by the time Matt and I agreed on our choices they were pretty much closed. We will likely have to wait several more days to find out which one agrees to cycle ASAP. So here we are…back at square one on this whole donor thing. What feels like an endless process is only taking longer than anticipated. “Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother’s wombs and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.” – Lemony Snicket
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Heather Joyce
Trying to conceive. Archives
April 2018
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