5/31/2016 3 Comments Blocked.Anger. Anger, Anger, and more Anger. I have impatiently been WAITING to hear back from the doctor since my HSG. I was supposed to be scheduled for laparoscopic surgery. After 13 days of waiting I finally get the call that my insurance is not going to cover this surgery. It is going to cost $4,943 out of pocket. This is made up from three different departments. It has to be paid upfront before they will even schedule your surgery. This is also a “ball park estimate.” If the surgery lasts longer we could see an additional $1,000 (or so charge). The payment plan is pathetic. We can choose to put the facility charge of $3,300 on a maximum of a 15 month payment. BUT, if we do that the charge increases to $4,200. This would make that payment $225 per month for 15 months. AND we would still have to pay a total of $1,582 upfront to schedule surgery. Later, I called to see if we were eligible for financial assistance and we are not. I called our health insurance and at this point they consider anything reproductive related a treatment for infertility and are no longer paying for anything. Everything from here on out is out of pocket.
While on the phone with the first person I was talking to, all I wanted to do was throw my phone across the room as hard as I possibly could. But the rational part of my brain kept reminding me I have no money left to buy a new phone. Then I decided I could throw a pack of post it notes across the room instead. But, what would that solve? I decided just to weep instead. I work in two different schools. Shortly after receiving this phone call from the doctor’s office, I had to change schools. It’s a good 20 minute drive between my schools and I bawled the entire way. It took me quite a bit of time in the parking lot to get it together. I waited patiently until it seemed like I could make a straight shot back to my office without running into anyone. I kept thinking “For the love of God, please no one ask me how I am doing.” Do you know how many times per day people casually ask you how you are doing? Why is this something we do? This must be an American thing. I will NEVER casually ask anyone how they are doing ever again. The negative thoughts start to seep in. “What in the hell did I possibly do to deserve this and how do I repent for whatever it was to make this nightmare end?” Parts of me feels like the universe is sending me very clear signals that I am not fit to be a mother. Part of me wants to stop trying. I always thought I was a more resilient person because I’ve had to overcome so much in my life. But I am tired. I am tired of having to fight for everything I want. Each step of this process has almost seemed harder than the last. I know it will only get worse. I am tired and I am defeated. I feel so stupid for thinking it would be as easy as having this surgery and then getting pregnant. I even fantasized that we would get pregnant the first month after having my tubes cleared. But no, here we are being smacked back into reality. Now we have to decide if it’s worth the risk. Will this surgery actually correct our problem? We have no idea. This could all be for nothing. I’m not much a gambling person. Five thousand dollars is a lot to gamble. Then, if it doesn’t work IVF could be our only option. That will cost in excess of at least $10,000 for one round. I do not have enough money to gamble like this. I feel very hopeless. This weekend I spent a good bit of my time watching season 2 of Grace and Frankie (please go watch now if you haven’t seen this show yet). Frankie was not able to have children and adopted her two sons. Grace gets lice in one of the episodes and threatens to put a contaminated hat on Frankie. Frankie responds by saying, “Oh please do. I would love to host life.” I feel you Frankie…I feel you.
3 Comments
Kristine Wade
6/3/2016 04:16:22 pm
I went through one round of IVF in 2007. It did not work and I just could not do it again. I do not have your support system. My plan was to do it as a single parent. At the time, some of the drug companies helped with meds. I'm not sure if they still do. We billed my insurrance company and they paid about half. I think we had someone process the claim by mistake because the office said they usually do not pay that much. I finally adopted which brought its own set of problems. She was 2 when she came home and it is hard to pay for someone else's short comings as a parent! I know your journey all too well. You need to support each other and don't make your marriage all about this journey! Try not to listen to those who tell you just to relax it will happen. Sometime it does happen like that but not often.These are real medical problems. I worked with a lady one time and she had her keys in hand to go with her husband to pick up the boy they were adopting. The phone rang and it was her doctor's office calling to tell her she was pregnant. She laughed and hung up. She had 2 babies under 6 months. It does happen but not often. It can be a lonely journey. Let Matt be a part of it. No man can fully understand the female body that we have lived with all our life. Talk with him about how it feels and how you feel. I felt I had taken care of my body and when I needed it betrayed me. Everything I felt, I thought "is that it? Are the docs wrong?" Every twitch, movement, cramp? 2007, and I remember everything! You are fortunate to have found a wonderful guy like Matt because it stinks to go through all this alone!
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Heather
6/3/2016 04:32:08 pm
I had no idea! I am so very lucky to have such wonderful family and friends and an incredible husband. I certainly could not go through this without everyone's support. It takes a village to raise a baby but it takes a village to create one too it seems.
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Kristine
6/3/2016 06:05:54 pm
Yes it does! There are many ways to grow your famiky. It will happen for you guys. The waiting the is hardset part!
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Heather Joyce
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