3/9/2017 4 Comments Egg Retrieval Take 2This morning we got up around 6:15-ish to get to our egg retrieval. I didn't want to get up too early beforehand because I didn't want to sit around not being able to eat or drink water. My tongue was so dry I may have considered pouring a glass of water just to stick my tongue in. I was yearning for my one ounce of water to take my Tylenol with. I was also hungry. I haven't really been hungry in the morning in a while. But I rinsed off in the shower, brushed my teeth, threw my hair in the worst pony tail ever. I put on my favorite sweatpants and my "Virginia is for school psychology" t-shirt. We made sure we had our progesterone shots and packed a bag of diet ginger ale and low carb friendly snacks. (Although let's be real...I was going to eat another bag of Teddy Grahams...when in Rome...or egg retrieval...).
We got to the IVF suite and rang the doorbell. We were greeted by two exceptionally friendly nurses. They didn't make me take out my rook piercing which is awesome because that's a beast to put in and I even got to wear my wedding rings. I changed into my gown, socks, and hairnet like it was old hat. The nurse's looked at my sad veins and knew they were in trouble. One nurse thought she saw something and the other nurse said she'd never stick it. They looked at my other arm and decided it wasn't even worth the effort. So they wrapped my arm up in a heating pad hoping for something in my battered veins. I explained that last time they used my hand. The nurse said she hates using people's hands because the medication burns so much. Well, that explains why it hurt so much last time. They then described the anesthesiologist I'd be seeing. They described him as full of life and like a hurricane. Apparently, that is secret code for asshole. They checked my arm again a while later and thought there was a vein. About that time the asshole...I mean anesthesiologist came and made his debut. He asked me all the questions on the paperwork I filled out. He was kind of a smart-alack but not in a good way. Or at least not in the way the situation needed. He then deemed the nurses incapable and did my IV for them. He looked at my junkie-esq veins and decided the back of my hand was the only way. He put the tourniquet on my forearm right where I have lots of dead scar tissue from a prior break. I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan would've had a lighter touch. I tried to remain calm and not in pain. He grabbed my wrist with the same force of a hippopotamus clenching down on dinner. He JAMMED the needle into the back of my hand and my vein rolled. I squirmed around on the bed and my eyes watered up. The anesthesiologist "joked" around that I was a nervous Nelly and needed to calm down. He then thumped my hand where the needle was still in my poor hand and thumped it with his middle finger with the same force of a galloping Clydesdale. I was trying everything in my power not to bawl. It hurt like nothing has ever hurt before. Meanwhile, he was still joking that I needed a psychological evaluation (side note: psychologists do not find these types of jokes funny...at all). At one point, I saw one of the nurses gasp and put her hands over her mouth. That was certainly less than reassuring. I later found out she was a new nurse which made me feel a little better. Then, he taped down my IV with an entire roll of tape. Eventually, they rolled me into the next room where the egg retrieval was. They strapped my legs into the plastic stirrups of no dignity and tried making friendly conversation. I have a giant scratch on my arm from our hellian cat. The anesthesiologist asked me if I had pets at home. I guess that was a better approach than asking if I recently tried to kill myself. So we chatted about cats. I don't remember why but he asked me where I'd rather be or something like that. I talked about Italy for a few minutes and how I'd rather be there than having some jam a needle through my cervix and into my ovaries. The anesthesia didn't hit me as quick this time. My tongue went numb first and that was weird. But that was really the last thing I remember. When I woke up (or at least came to), I again thought I was on the couch. I'm pretty sure I mumbled something along the lines of, "I thought I was on the couch watching Shameless." I think every time I've come out of anesthesia I thought I was sleeping on the couch. My therapist asked me where I feel safe or what my safe place is. At first, I couldn't answer this question. Anywhere that I am with myself feels unsafe sometimes...or at least un-enjoyable. And unfortunately, I can't go anywhere without myself. When we revisited the question I jokingly said, "On the couch watching Family Feud or something on Netflix." But, maybe the couch really is my safe place. Not judging myself (or at least trying not to). Whatever it takes to get over the hump. The staff didn't have the same overt levels of happiness as before. I immediately asked if we got an egg and the answer was, "yes." I asked if we got one or two and the nurse had to double check. One. One egg. I must've asked ten more times. I didn't come out of the anesthesia as quickly this time for some reason. I have NO idea what was going through my mind but I was a real chatty Kathy. I talked about politics and Hillbilly Elegy. I was a real fountain of (who knows how accurate) information. I also have zero memories of the words I actually spoke. Who knows what I was talking about! When our doctor came in I asked if it was the left or right one. Shockingly, it was the left egg. So they didn't know if it was mature or not. He said they aspirated the right follicle for a long time, but there was no egg inside. At some point my Teddy Grahams had made it to me and I was half way through the bag when I got this news. Suddenly, my Teddy Grahams had no flavor. I didn't care about my carefully packed ginger ale. A few minutes later, I just lost control and sobbed. I felt like we weren't even going to make it to ICSI. My husband had to leave the room to do his part. The new nurse rubbed my legs and tried to console me. She agreed the pressure to be a woman is more pressure than anyone should have to bear (or maybe even bare..I think both spellings could be accurate here). Both nurses were so kind and sweet. Eventually, I had to get out of bed and prove that I could walk around without falling over. They had me go to the bathroom. Peeing after anesthesia is very weird. You have all the sensations that you need to pee, but no pee comes. I don't know if this is weird or normal. Could be my faulty bladder. But for me, it lasts for hours. I dribbled a little pee and could stand up and move around without falling over. They started to peel off the layers of tape that had been wasted on my arm. Peeling the tape off of my dead nerve endings was pretty rough. They peeled tape off forever it seemed. Then I noticed they even missed a piece. Jerk anesthesiologist... I put my clothes back on. The nurses realized they needed to give me my progesterone shot. So I had to get back on the bed while they taught my husband the correct way to administer these shots in my butt. The needles are very bigly. Yuge even. I was surprised it didn't hurt but maybe my body's pain receptors decided to take a vacation. For progesterone there are alternatives to shots. But, naturally, they're more expensive. Plus I've heard the suppositories get a little gross after a while. I figure if we can save money and if I don't have to wear pads and feel gross every day what's another couple dozen shots or so? So here we are in the waiting zone again. They'll call tomorrow to let us know if it fertilized. Just because they've used ICSI does not mean it will definitely fertilize. On Saturday, I go back to have my endometrial lining measured again. IF it's thick enough we will do a transfer on Sunday (assuming it grows and divides as expected). If not, then we have to wait until Tuesday/Wednesday and see if it makes it to freeze. Then we will wait another 8 weeks. Two weeks to get my period (assuming it comes in two weeks) and then 6 weeks of prepping my uterus with more meds before the transfer. Then we still have to wait 2-ish weeks to see if it stuck. When we first found out that we could do this very discounted cycle, I felt like one of those families on Family Feud that got asked to comeback because of a technical difficulty. I feel like we barely made it to the last round and now I just have to wait to see if my partner (egg/embryo--not Matt) can pick up my slack and get us to the 200 points. I feel like I only got us about 75 points or so and this egg/embryo has some serious work to do. Like it really needs to get all the number one responses for us to get our $20,000. Except we won't actually be getting $20,000...we just won't be spending $20,000 on an egg donor. But it would feel like the ultimate lottery prize for this to work. I am totally obsessed with Jenny Lawson so I will keep providing free advertising for her. I'm getting a free tote bag since I pre-ordered my book so I feel like I should give back. I'll probably be quoting this book until the end of time: "It is possible to be standing on the top of the world and also barely hanging on to the edge at the same time."
4 Comments
Kristine
3/9/2017 03:50:38 pm
I'm very sad for you. My anesthesiologist was hot. I was so doped up I told him I love him. Best wishes#
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Heather Joyce
3/9/2017 03:52:08 pm
the first one was awesome. not this one
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Aida
3/9/2017 05:17:58 pm
I read and want to punch the anesthesiologist!! Still 😠 I do. At times I feel like tell you what I've been dealing with in a different way to distract you if that is possible. I can't believe how out of touch people can be. True AHs!!
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Heather Joyce
3/9/2017 05:20:41 pm
please do! I always love our conversationsā¤ā¤ family feud is the best. really annoyed they cut out 4 episodes to replace it with dumb shows haha
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Heather Joyce
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