6/23/2017 0 Comments Monitoring UpdateLast Friday, I went in for my baseline appointment. This is where they look at your endometrial lining and take a bunch of blood. Everything looked good except my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was borderline. That was kind of scary to hear. So…I had to wait all the way until today to see how my lining was doing. If my lining was 8mm or more I could have my transfer next week. Spoiler. My body is a constant source of disappointment. I guess it’s no surprise that now that my body is in charge of this ride we have some setbacks. I’ve honestly been feeling so (cautiously) positive and happy this last week it was a bit of a let-down when Dr. Bateman told me my lining was only 7mm today. I was really feeling so good about everything. But it was a good reminder that nothing is certain in this game.
So, I had to wait FOREVER to hear back from my clinic. Because the Charlottesville clinic is only doing monitoring they can’t comment on what things will happen next. There is nothing more paralyzing than waiting for the doctor to call with news you really don’t want to hear. I immediately reached out to my favorite ladies in the egg donor support group. Based on their experiences I was expecting to have to wait until next Friday for another ultrasound to measure my lining. So I waited (and waited) for what felt like forever and around 11:00 the nurse finally called back. She told me I will need to come in next Wednesday for another look. IF things look good next week then I can go in for my transfer during the week of July 4th. This was initially the week I was estimating my transfer to be anyway. So, while it was really disappointing I know it’s not really the end of the world. But, this waiting game is for the birds. I am so incredibly lucky to have not one, but two friends offer to come with me to Syracuse. Unfortunately neither one of their schedules match up with my new transfer date. But, I am a lucky woman to have many, many fantastic friends. I was able to quickly find another friend willing to go on a spontaneous, 6-hour long road trip. I keep trying to be conscious of feeling my feelings. I really don’t know what kind of feelings I’m having. I’m nervous. It hadn’t really occurred to me that maybe my lining won’t be ready this month. There was a lady in the support group that shared her lining actually shrank at her third visit and her cycle may be cancelled. That never crossed my mind as an option. I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed that my body keeps failing me. Screw that. I’m angry. According to my therapist, I don’t acknowledge my anger and I tend to neuter it. So, I’m acknowledging it. I’m angry that my body doesn’t cooperate. I’m angry that I have to wait another week. I’m angry that I have to even go through all of this to begin with when getting pregnant is so easy for most women. I’m angry that I have paid $900 for blood work and ultrasounds in the last week and I have to pay for another day of monitoring. I’m angry that my entire summer is revolving around fertility treatments (again). I’m also hopeful. I still have a flicker of hope somewhere deep down that this is going to be our month. I can’t quite fully embrace this hope just yet. I’m also angry that I can’t quite fully embrace this hope. I guess those are my top feelings. I’m sure there’s some more in there my therapist could squeeze out. As far as my new medications go, these are definitely my favorite round of medications. I’m taking Low Dose Naltrexone, Prednisone (2 times a day), estrace (initially 2 times a day but now 3 times a day), baby aspirin, vitamin D, and a prenatal. I also did a Z Pack, but that was only a few days. I was so worried about the prednisone keeping me awake for days. But, the LDN seems to balance it out. The first few days I had the best sleep I’ve ever had (minus same majorly weird dreams). However, the last three nights I have been wired at night. I’m not sure if this is the prednisone, my nerves, or general summer sleep dysfunction. Regardless, I feel so good! My mood is so much better, my hip and neck pain are totally nonexistent. I have energy to do things and I’ve lost 3 pounds since starting the meds! I can honestly say I’ve never had these side effects from fertility drugs before. I suppose one perk of having my transfer pushed back a week is having another week to mentally prepare myself to administer my own PIO shots. Still terrified of that! It’s such a weird feeling to know I have 6 little baby popsicles. Even though they only have a few cells, I feel like they are all my little babies. There is absolutely no way to describe what it is like to go to bed at night thinking about my babies in a freezer just waiting for me to bring them home. I keep wondering how many are boys and how many are girls. If we had the money for PGS testing we could know. I’m dying to see pictures of them. I know I’ll only see pictures of the one(s) transferred. What will we do with the ones left over if we get lucky the first time? It’s nice to be able to think we could hypothetically have two children that would be full siblings. At least we have enough embryos for that to be a dream for now anyway. So, to my little babies: “You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.” – e.e. cummings
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Heather Joyce
Trying to conceive. Archives
April 2018
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