3/17/2017 2 Comments One week downThe first week of the two week wait is over. This has been the the longest week. I'm sure next week will be longer.
The progesterone shots are no joke. They are commonly referred to as PIO shots in my world. That stands for Progesterone in Oil. Injecting oil into your butt/hip muscle is not fun. I was not properly prepared for them. It burns so bad when it goes in. My muscles have been sore constantly since starting them. The left side hurts way worse than my right side for some reason. My sciatica is back in full force. For two days, I could barely walk. I felt like I was walking like an elderly woman. Doing the "nursing home shuffle," as my parents would say. The best advice I can give for the progesterone shot is to do it fast. Stick the needle in fast and once it's all injected pull it out fast. I also find laying on my side and clutching a pillow helps. Sometimes Maxwell (my cat) is also on standby sniffing my face making sure I don't pass out. Having your partner rub the injection site is crucial. If it doesn't hurt during the rubbing, your partner is not pushing hard enough. Really get in there and move that oil around. It hurts, but you'll be glad later. We've also bought some biofreeze that we spray on a few minutes before. This has made a big difference. But, it still hurts and it still sucks. This should go without saying, but you must alternate sides. I can't imagine not alternating sides. It still hurts two days later when you come back. I actually wish I had a bigger butt for more surface area to choose from (and I am not lacking in bootay surface area.) The worst side effect I've had from these shots aside from the pain, is definitely what's happening in my bowels. One of my friends refers to his bathroom events as "gastronomical" events. That is absolutely what has been happening to me. The first few days I was like, "Yes! My stomach is cramping! It must be my little embryo snuggling down for a long term stay." Well... about a hour later, I realized it was Hell forming in my intestines. This seems to happen every other day or so. It didn't happen yesterday. But today, I was having serious cramps. Today, I thought for sure it was implantation. But 20 minutes later I was barely making it to the bathroom. I don't know how, but a repeat occurrence happened once I got home. It's bad stuff. My next least favorite side effect is how tired I am. I cannot believe how tired I am. Before any of you say to yourself, "you think you're tired now, just wait until you get pregnant." Well..if I were pregnant it would be worth it. But not being pregnant and being pregnancy tired is just cruel. By the time I get home, all I want to do is sleep. Except then I'm not sleeping well at night. Last night no act could have put me to sleep. I'm pretty sure I could've read one of Matt's physics books and wouldn't have fallen asleep. My leg hurts from my sciatica, my back hurts, my butt hurts. I could not get comfortable and I kept having weird dreams. I think I fell asleep (lightly) after midnight but woke up every hour. I am so tired. My mind is constantly racing. I broke down two nights ago and Googled. I couldn't hold out anymore. I Googled some more yesterday. I couldn't help it. I also reached out to my ttc sisters about testing. Pretty sure I had to talk myself down off the proverbial toilet to keep myself from testing. I know it is way too early to test, but I am dying. I am driving myself crazy. "Am I walking too fast?" "Was that too heavy to lift?" "Did I just twist weird...what if I just knocked my embryo out of my uterus?" "Can you do that?" "Did I eat right today?" "Should I eat that?" "Why did I eat that?" "Should I move around more?" My mind. Will. Not. Stop. Everything I do, I second guess myself. I wake up in the middle of the night freaking out about sleeping on my stomach even though I know it doesn't matter at this point. I freak out about my freaking out because I know I need to "just relax so I can get pregnant." The first few days I felt really hopeful and optmistic this could work. I would lay on the couch and put my hands on my belly and channel all my positive energy to my uterus. I would talk to my little embryo and tell it how much everyone loves it and wants it to come into the world. But now, I'm certainly heading into the second week slump. I feel like I have to prepare myself for it to not work. It would be great if it works. More than great. The greatest thing ever. But if it doesn't work, I can't let it (literally) kill me. I already made peace with not having my own biological child. We still have donor eggs as an option. I haven't looked at our portfolio of donors yet. Maybe that's an indication I still have hope. I'm sure by half way through next week, I'll have 3 donors picked out. "Sometimes my mind is a flame. It's remarkable, terrible, and terrifying all at once. But the real trick? Is in not letting it consume me." --Jenny Lawson
2 Comments
Neelam
3/23/2017 11:01:01 am
Hey Hun,
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Heather Joyce
3/23/2017 01:29:08 pm
it's over tomorrow!! thanks for following!
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Heather Joyce
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